We are back!
Hope you are all doing fine. 🙂
Today, we brought you the most commonly encountered situation in our teen years, which is: Rejection.
There are many ways of discussing this, but our main focus is about how to deal with crush/feelings in both ways.
Most of us, atleast at some point in our lives have approached someone whom we find attractive or have been approached by someone who finds us attractive.
It is natural for people to have feelings towards someone who seems appealing. Sometimes you may find yourself in a situation where a friend approaches you with the “magical” three words when you were expecting it the least. Either way, its important to make the right move at the right time.
Most fears of rejection rest on the desire for approval from other people.
Yes, we do need approval- not of our entire self, but of our opinions, plans or proposals.
Similar to a coin having two sides, there are two different ways to deal with rejection by two different people.
The one who chooses to reject someone’s proposal and another, who doesn’t seem to have any choice after being rejected.
If you are a person who can fit into any one of these categories, this post is going to help you deal with rejection in the way it must be dealt with.
IF YOU WANT TO REJECT BUT NOT ABLE TO-
If you were approached by someone with a proposal and you are unable to turn down that person in the right way, this is for you.
*Do not complicate the issue.*
You don’t have to feel bad to let someone know that you are not interested.
Understand that any proposal basically breaks down to a simple Yes/No question.
Give him/her an obvious answer. If you are clear with your words, you won’t need to spend your time and energy on it anymore. It helps in avoiding disappointment and a meaningless drag. A straight ‘no’ might cause disturbance for short time but it does not prolong the issue.
Make it clear to them. Don’t encourage false hopes. Don’t drag this further to a stage where you feel uncomfortable with what’s happening. This not only shuts down the topic once and for all, but also gives you a peace of mind.
If you get a proposal when you were least expecting it and you consider that person to be nothing more than your friend, Acknowledge this.
Staying silent will make the matter worse. Speak up and be frank to them. It takes courage to be authentic. You want to reject the proposal, just do it.
If you make your answer an unsure and undecisive one, you’ll be the one filling hope in that person.
Go back to your childhood days when you wanted your favourite toy or a toffee from a shop. You tug your dad’s shirt with your little hands and point towards the thing that caught your attention, with glittery eyes. At this point, if he says says no, you’d throw tantrums and he knew that. So imagine, he says nothing and calms you down saying he’ll buy it for you the next time. As a child you’d have much more excitement about next time. Your hopes will raise higher, you will try harder, you will come to a stage where you cannot accept a ‘No’. That was because as time passes, expectations do raise. If this relates to a child’s favorite toy, won’t it be the same with a young-adult’s favorite person?
The longer you take, the more hopes they’ll have.
Also remember, it is your personal decision, so don’t let others dictate trash to you. The other person may not be in a position to accept your decision right away, your friends might keep persuading you; but atlast, it is YOUR decision! Getting carried away by others feelings/opinions doesn’t help in any way.
Acknowledge that you personally don’t feel the same way towards them, or simply that you don’t have any intentions to like them back in the same way.
Afterall it is a proposal, not a complusion! It is in your hands.
Consider how awkward things might get once he/she begins to stalk and text you all the time, and one day points you out that you didn’t turn them down and kept encouraging them!
If you are still nervous to reject someone or are held back at the thought of losing your admirer;
Here is a straightforward question which you have to answer honestly–
Do you want to clear the table and have peace of mind or do you secretly have a shallow obsession of others adoring you?
Never get into this false prestige that comes with flaunting people who admire you.
Feeling good about yourself is essential, but not at the cost of someone’s feelings towards you. That can ruin lives.
Here are some lines specially picked for you:
- Life has become very complicated, please don’t worsen it by prolonging decisions.
- Indecision is also a decision.
- It is important to let people know where their limits are.
- Think of yourself before others when you take decisions of your life.
- Give the person some space after your denial. It is essential for them to come out of it and it takes time.
For people who face rejection:
IF SOME ONE REJECTED YOUR PROPOSAL-
It should be clear to you that your proposal has been rejected, not your whole existence as a person.
Rejection is not something which we want to see. It is in many cases related to a fear-
‘Fear of Rejection’
Some of us are so afraid of being rejected that we end screwing up our lives instead of confessing at the right time.
You see, being rejected is not in our hands. The other person’s no is as valid as your expectation of a yes.
Understandably, it gives a lot of pain. Well, that’s why we’re here, right? 😉
Read ahead, this will be helpful to you.
Feelings, in most cases are created and accepted and are not automatically generated.
The most common mistake made by people who experience heartbreak after they confess their feelings is that they start to believe that they own the other person. They build useless castles in the air when there is no point of it. If you are one of them, stop doing this. Don’t claim them before they accept you.
Figure out why this rejection is bothering you. Make it clear in your head.
(a)Are you really so much in love with that person that you cannot just accept a plain NO?
(b)Are you upset about the assumption that no one cares about you?
- Are you hurt about losing the person you really love?
(b) Are you just seeking validation? Is it about your self esteem issues regarding the idea of you being ‘rejected’?
Basically, is it about love, or is your ego hurt?
Yes, these questions are very straight forward. Question yourself. Trust us, if you are honest, then you’ll figure a way out of the mess in your head.
It is not good to paint one thing as another.
If you chose option As, then honestly ask yourself if you are un-necessarily attached or obsessed with that person.
If yes then its high time to find your own self. Obsession of any kind is not good for you.
If not, it is important to accept the fact that he/she is not the right person for you or it is just not the right time for you.
If you chose option Bs then you have more capability than you think you have.
You must learn to stop allowing something so miniscule take control of your entire life.
Whatever the case is,
Rejection causes immense pain.
And immense pain releases immense energy. Never make this energy the reason to start smoking, drinking or substance abuse.
When you have the choice to make rejection a golden gateway towards being the best version of yourself, why do you have to make it a blackhole which sucks out your liveliness and makes you lose track of who you truly are?
Feel what you have to feel, but don’t let yourself be consumed by negative emotional pain. You never know when it starts to get out of your hands. Instead learn to tune out this energy into zeal!
Here are a few lines for you-
- Feelings are something you have, not something you are.
- Following someone even after you get turned down may generate hope in you for no reason. Avoid this, or you may end up in a downward spiral.
- Never give someone a second chance lo let you know they don’t want you.
- Take some time for yourself, distance yourself from that person and get back to being truly you!
Dear readers, most importantly.. whatever phase you are in; accept things the way they are. 🙂
“Be your own spectator, seek your own applause.” ~Seneca.
“Don’t insist that what happens should happen as you wish; wish that things happen as they actually happen. Then your life will go well.” ~Epictetus.
authors – kasthala divya , MEHER APARAJITHA